I shut myself inside. What a waste of life. I hate how much I want to hear someone’s voice.

It will be Monday in a few minutes. Miku is singing Blood Color Flower. There are so many things I want to be good at, but instead, I choose to rot. I need to let go of the negativity - I have been practicing that. Tomorrow is another day.

I miss how Cartagra made me feel last summer.

After precisely two weeks and forty hours in-game, the formula of this visual delight has grown tiresome to me. I have realized how time consuming it will be, especially without the initial generosity, which concludes my interest in it.

Maybe if it offered a better story - but what I saw was dead straightforward, only convoluted by an abundance of meaningless terms.

It definitely reignated my interest in drawing and computer graphics.

I was considering Twitter as a platform for my excessive self-expression, but it is an ugly place for ugly people. What I love about this space, is that I can make it look and behave however I please.

I am not antisocial, but I wish I were. The desire to share my thoughts and obsessions is uncomfortably strong. This webpage is a result of that. How long can I go without feedback - without a human receiving and answering me?

Making this song was a rollercoaster of hyperfocus, which is my favorite state of being.

I learned Ableton implemented some earthshaking improvements in their beta channel, namely, GPU acceleration. I’ve been in a trance since. Only stopped sketching out my new track when my ears started to hurt. That’s not a good testament to its quality.

Today I had multiple nosebleeds. My trash is filled with blood and cum.

This week I succumbed to the lowest pleasures. I don’t think I am depressed; rather, my composure just vanished.

What a disgusting feeling!

I am sorry to disappoint, but my entire Saturday was spent in Solaris-3.

Here is a flower for you, people whose trust I damaged.

Yeah, it is the next day. I reinstalled Wuthering Waves and played for about 4 hours. I also spent some time making music, but it is nowhere near as much as I should have!

I want to recreate some flowers I see in the game - my inner cutiepie longs for it.

I have been playing Wuthering Waves every day, and it has been really fun. It is such a well-made game, both visually and audibly. There is enough content in it to drown every other aspect of my life…

I really need to shift my attention toward self-improvement and productive hobbies.

Not everyone is pefect. Some of us are alone, insecure, irrational. I see myself in Nina, that’s why she is my favorite character.

I avoid going outside. My insecurities don’t allow me to participate in life. I am trying to fight them, but I will get older and uglier with time. What’s the point? Who would even want to bond with a broken weirdo? Under the hideous mask, I am not even a good person.

Everyone can be approximated by their five favourite artists. One of mine is Bli_d.

There was a cool thread made by a Japanese guy practicing English.

Worth a read if you are interested in a casual outlook on some cultural phenomena revolving around Japan. There was a good faith from both sides, resulting in a nice conversation.

On a side note I started Wuthering Waves yesterday and it already clocked at nine hours total…

And so it goes. Two weeks of my holiday passed in a blink. The most notable thing I have done was earning every trophy in Crymachina, which inspired my current moniker. Enoa was a precious kid - she deserved every gold star.

Puzzling together this little website was also a succesful project. I think - you be the judge. I also spent few nights practicing DJing and playing Dolls Nest. Too bad guitar or Bitwig didn’t see enough love.

Today was alright. I went on a short walk twice just to listen to Serani Poji in the sun. A healing experience.

Some further tweaking of the blog. I really enjoy the process of writing directly in the repository. Even if .ps1 is a pain, it is a pleasant thing: to automate. In the future I will figure out a way to track here my media consumption.

I am not bummed at all about coming back to work.

Nothing on the Internet annoys me more than trends. It’s not like any fandom is hurt, since most of them are dead anyway, but the revivals are so intense yet brief. People latch onto another media soon after, barely scratching the surface of what it had to offer.

Why would you mold your avatar to fit such a fleeting affair?

Why do I even start a blog when so little is happening in my life? The answer is vanity - there has to be a proof that I existed, I can’t have it any other way.

Health is rather poor - lately I have been feeling dizzy and tired. Hope it is not diabetes, but I certainly worked hard for it.

Yeah, today was also spent on this little website. I like how it looks and that it supports my already established workflow for writing.

@apt-get came to the city for a show. I didn’t go. It has been few months since I knew about it, but I made no effort to be presentable again. I had the same problem exactly year ago, when I got invited to those damned weddings.

Time is flying way too fast.

Deus Ex endgame quotes are ingrained in me - they are so wonderfully edgy.

Better to reign in hell, than serve in heaven.

If there were no God, it would be necessary to invent him.

Yesterday we obeyed kings and bent our necks before emperors. But today we kneel only to truth.

What have I done today… not much. Besides this blog, that is.